Black belt talks about impact of bullying
Workshop benefited Kicks for Kids charity; benefit for same group on April 28
BY KATHY CHANG Staff Writer

Above: Master Robert Matland answers a question by Matthew Such (in black T-shirt), 8, of Woodbridge, at the anti-bullying workshop benefiting the nonprofit organization Kicks for Kids at the Black Belt Institute in Metuchen on March 29. At left: Angela Mastrobietro, 11, of Metuchen, listens enthusiastically.

METUCHEN - The decision that 18- year-old Gabriel Rosa made to go defend a friend on March 10, 2004, in Edison altered the teen's life forever.

The incident left Rosa, now 22, of Highland Park,with no peripheral vision, a weak left side, and a tremendous loss of memory of his childhood.

"I have changed the way I completely act and think," he said. "I can't drive because I lost my peripheral vision. That really hurt me because I was a good driver, and everyone knew that."

Rosa told his story to a group of kids at the Black Belt Institute in Metuchen as part of an anti-bullying workshop onMarch 29 to benefit the nonprofit organization Kicks for Kids.

"I was going with my friend to try to talk [the situation] out, but that did not work," he said. "What I didn't know was there were 22 people waiting there for us [to beat us up]."

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The incident left Rosa in a coma for 10 days.

"I do regret going; however, I learned [from my experience] and stopped and dropped everything that I had been doing with drugs and alcohol," he said. "It's important to be yourself and not go through something that you don't have to."

Rosa, who received his black belt at the Black Belt Institute when he was in his early teens, said he came back to the institute after the incident because karate was the one thing that was stable in his life.

"I knew the institute was a good place to come back to," he said. "My life had completely changed, and I was aware of the changes. I had to relearn how to walk and talk, like a baby. When I came out of my coma, I didn't even know who I was."

Rosa, who has been battling with depression since the incident, said that before the incident, he had dropped out of school because he got into trouble too much.

"I really want to go back to school," he said. "I am on disability. Transportation is a problem because my mom has to drive me. If it were not for my mom [Migna Rosa], I probably would not be here."

Rosa's mother said she would not wish what her family has been through on anybody.

"It was very hard," she said. "When I found out that Gabriel was in a fight and was in the hospital, I thought he would just have a scratch on his head, some bruises and a fat lip. I had no clue, and I don't think anybody could be prepared for what I saw. His head was swelled up. It was horrendous."

However, Migna said, slowly her family is moving on.

"It's a hard situation, and we are still dealing with it," she said. "Gabriel has his moments, which he has the right to have, but we have a big supportive family."

Over a dozen youths attended the workshop and learned an anti-bullying technique called RAD, which is an acronym for recognize, avoid and defend.

Master Robert Matland, who has been with the Black Belt Institute for 12 years, provided tips and scenarios for the youngsters.

"How many of you have bullies at your school?" Matland asked the attentive group of 20 or so children ranging from 7 to 12 years old.

Most of the kids raised their hands.

"Once you have identified and recognized that bully, it's important to avoid that person, because [he or she] means trouble," he said. "If you know that bully walks home on a certain street, plan a different path. Avoid confrontations."

The kids practiced backing away with open hands when confronted by a bully, relaying the message to the bully that they don't want any trouble.

The master said if someone finds himself or herself in a situation with a bully, it is important to think.

Matland, along with Master Colin Faxon, who also has been with the institute for 12 years, demonstrated scenarios, with Faxon as the bully and Matland as the victim.

"It's important to avoid having a physical fight," said Matland. "You can say that you are not feeling good and pretend to vomit on the bully. Do you think this bully would want to fight anymore?"

The group of kids laughed and shook their heads.

Matland described that his youngest son, Eric, who is now 29 years old, used to get picked on at school a lot because he was small.

"My son has always been small and is 5 foot 1 inch tall," he said. "When he was in sixth grade, a teacher told me that a bully bumped into him and my son answered with, 'Is that all you got?' There is no one, good method [to avoid a bully]; however, using humor and mental toughness likemy son did is one way to go."

Matland explained to the group that people bully other people for the reasons of power, control, attention, and even retaliation.

"These kids don't know how to express their emotions," he said. "Sometimes these kids are abused by their parents or caregivers and feel the need to take it out on someone else. Once you recognize that someone is a bully, become a friend or a catalyst for that person so that person could go down a better path in their life."

There are two types of bullying - physical and emotional.

"The majority of people who get bullied are people with no or low self-esteem, people who are small and short, people who are quiet, people who are overweight, people who have language barriers, and people who have physical or mental differences," said Matland.

The master said it is important to fake it until you make it out of a bullying situation.

"This is [essential] during muggings," he said. "Look confident even though you are scared to death."

Matland provided different avenues for the kids to go to or do if they are being bullied or if they know someone else who is being bullied.

"You can tell a teacher or a parent. It's important to be with a group of friends, act and look confident, avoid a bullying situation, and defend mentally before physically," he said.

The Black Belt Institute will hold a Kick- A-Thon for Kicks for Kids on April 28 and a women's self-defense workshop on June 7. Formore information, call (732) 205-9797 or visit www.blackbeltinst.com.