Forum probes the pitfalls of life as a teenage girl MADD founder tells county students they can change their world BY JENNIFER AMATO Staff Writer MONROE — Girls just wanna have fun. And learn. And be social. And share their experiences. The third annual Young Women’s Conference, hosted by the National Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependence of Middlesex County and the Middlesex County Substance Abuse Coalition, was the perfect forum for this. Titled “My Journey, My Voice: Empowering Young Women,” the all-day seminar held at the Crowne Plaza Monroe on Dec. 5 featured workshops, guest speakers and performances designed to promote self-introspection while dealing with real-world circumstances. More than 120 high school students from across the county were able to choose from a variety of workshops to attend based on their own personal interests. “Bullying: The Mean Girls Syndrome” identified the symptoms and feelings associated with teen girls who are mean girls. A peer-directed panel discussed the similarities between the Lindsay Lohan movie “Mean Girls” with real-life experiences girls go through every day. “I’ve seen a lot of people get bullied and I’ve tried to help,” said Michelle Notardonato, a senior at Rutgers Prep. “I learned if I do come across something, how to prevent it or how to say something and not go along with it.” “TEAR: Teens Experiencing Abusive Relationships” focused on the warning signs of dating violence and how to handle such situations. “I learned that I could have better relationships and how to deal with them and how to help people,” said North Brunswick Township High School sophomore Nicole Dunlop. “Even if you don’t have [an unhealthy relationship], you can help your friends with it … and I learned how many kinds there are. It’s not just physical like hitting, it’s mental too.” Although she has not been in an abusive relationship, Dunlop said she learned how to avoid one in the future. She also heard the story of a fellow workshop member whose friend died during a physical altercation with her boyfriend. “If I see signs of it, I will try to get out before it gets further than it has to be,” she said. The purpose of “Loving Your Body Inside and Out” was to increase each girl’s awareness of her own physical self. Average American teenagers were compared to models, and the girls looked through magazines to find advertising catch phrases about beauty, showing how the media can affect self-image. “I learned how people don’t really see themselves the same way and how our perception is different,” Notardonato said. “I think it’s really important because people hurt themselves or spend tons of money changing themselves to please other people, but they don’t need to do that. You need to please yourself.” Tenth-grader Emily Alcid of Colonia High School added, “You have to love yourself for who you are and not be what you can’t.” She said that having a group entirely composed of females made it easier for the girls to be confident while sharing and developing an open conversation. “With girls you get to talk about what you want to and you can be yourself, and you know what [each other] is going through,” she said. “Real Rap About Mother/Daughter Relationships” tried to engage participants in addressing issues and challenges in their home. “It’s better to approach your parents with the truth instead of being general about it,” Alcid said. Although she herself does not have a perfect relationship with her mother, she learned how to be more open and how to gain trust, including by having mother-daughter dates so they can spend time together. The other workshops included “Flip the Switch: Change Your Life,” which centered around providing facts and exposing myths about underage drinking, marijuana and prescription drug use and how to overcome addiction, and “What’s My Line?,” which examined various career paths and opportunities, educational requirements and lifestyle options. There was also a performance by CARES, Carteret Actors Reaching Out and Educating Students, and a session by Alexandra Lopez about “What’s Next?” The keynote speaker was Candace Lightner, the founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), who spoke about “The Power of One Woman.” Lightner’s daughter was killed by a drunken driver in 1980 at the age of 13. The man was a multiple repeat offender and was probably not going to jail, so the grieving mother took it upon herself to start MADD. She said it took less than five years to start to change attitudes, pass laws and save lives, although she was constantly discouraged from her feat from the very beginning. She therefore feels that open dialogue with students can promote their self-image and self-worth, enabling them to take a leadership role to make changes in the world. “Being like everyone else is not always a positive thing. In the end you may not be liked, but you will be respected if you are your own person. What you do now affects the rest of your life … and if you make wise choices now, you will be better for it,” she said. She also said that community involvement can give teens a sense of purpose, and they will therefore remain on a positive track instead of turning to negativity. “Kids can be awfully self-centered or self-serving … but sometimes it makes life easier when they realize they’re not the center of the world,” she said. “I found that kids who learn and were motivated do better.” Overall, the participants felt the conference gave them a better sense of who they are as females, teenagers and most importantly, people. “I really like it. I like how it gives you the chance to discuss things you’ve seen and talked about … and learn more about it and discuss how you feel about it,” Notardonato said. “You learn about it and you can talk about it and feel comfortable talking about it because you’re with people who know what they are talking about,” Dunlop said. “It helped me, definitely, to know that other people have the same problems I do.” For more information about NCADD and its programs, call (732) 254-3344.