Adele Young
Bloopers

Did you hear the one about the WOMB tournament?

We like to start the new year by looking back at the typographical and grammatical errors that almost made it into one of Greater Media Newspapers’ 12 publications during the previous year.

We’re grateful that these items did not make it into print, especially the ones we like to call …

Things you shouldn’t print in a family newspaper

For a caption, one of our photographers wrote this description: "The South Brunswick marching band is pictured practicing with stimulated [simulated] instruments."

In a similar titillating vein, we received a press release about someone who was to present a special Mother’s Day mime program. His theatrical credits included a role in "The Loin [Lion] King."

We had a story about a couple turning over 41 cats to the Humane Society, which in turn was looking for adoptive homes:

"The shelter had set up emergency caging for the cats and put them in a storage room. ‘We turned it into a makesh*t [makeshift] cat room,’ the shelter manager explained." Truer words were never spoken.

Speaking of critters, this might make an interesting wallpaper pattern for animal lovers: "Animal Lifesavers continues to look for people who have a home or other facility in which to border [board] the cats until the group can find good homes for them."

We also tried to make animals an element of time: "People whose identities have been stolen can spend moths [months] or years … cleaning up the mess the thieves have made of their good names and credit record."

Close but no cigar

In an editorial about the proposed Route 92 in South Brunswick, we almost published the following:

"In fall 1998, the EPA determined that Route 522 could serve enough east-west traffic. That sediment [sentiment] was echoed Tuesday night by the mayor."

After all, you can never have too much sedimentality!

An e-mail about a PTA winter carnival noted that refreshments would include "homemade chili and lentil soap [soup]."

In a story about AARP’s 55 Alive driving course for seniors, we quoted one participant as saying: "I’m a conscious [conscientious, perhaps?] ... driver ... but this might help me to keep alert." Thank goodness, because we have enough unconscious drivers in New Jersey.

Emperor’s new clothes

This would be some sight on New Year’s Day and way beyond the job description of any municipal worker: "Newcomers Stephen Alexander and Sal Diecidue were worn [sworn] in to their first terms" on the Township Committee.

Did you hear the one about the homophones?

"The driver was taking bends at a high rate of speed without breaking [braking]." Some people aren’t so lucky. They do indeed break.

"It was a pretty difficult course. It was inside a racetrack and there were man-made hills. It was like European cross country. It had bails [bales] of hay to jump over and cliffs to run down." Bails of hay … wouldn’t that be every criminal’s dream.

Beware the missing word

It’s commonly known that a car chase can have disastrous results, but whoever thought one could destroy a town, as we almost said in a police story:

"A car chase put two area men in police custody that originated in Newark and ended Middletown." (The misplaced modifier is another issue ...)

Misplaced modifiers

strike again

"Two Middlesex County men were held in connection with a dispute over a parking space that turned violent last week." And most of us thought it was people who got road rage.

The Department of Oxymoron

In a photo caption, we almost printed that during Safety Day at a Woodbridge firehouse, firefighters allowed youngsters to shoot the firehouse [hose].

Spell check can be your best friend or your worst enemy. In a sports story a writer inadvertently changed the phrase lofty expectations to lofty excretions.

What a difference a letter makes …

In a 50th wedding anniversary announcement, we described the "Mrs." as a homemaker who enjoyed gold [golf].

In light of the fact that it was the couple’s golden anniversary, perhaps such a blooper was not too far off the mark.

One news article described a "stork [stroke] of luck." That might describe getting a baby boy after three girls in a row.

Here’s a refreshing response to the steroid scandals:

" ‘The moral [morale] of the team is high, and we look to keep it up,’ the coach said."

In the Police Beat column for Tinton Falls, one item described the discovery of "four glassine bags of heron [heroin]."

Powdered bird, the new street drug of choice?

One of our sports listings made this very considerate announcement: "The cots [costs] are $35 for the Peanuts Division (3 and 4 years old)." These lucky little ones apparently get to take naps during practice or a game.

The ABCs of acronyms

In a world where there are far too many acronyms and initialisms, where CD means one thing (compact disc) to a 20-year-old and something completely different (certificate of deposit) to a 70-year-old, it’s no wonder we get confused, as illustrated by the following excerpt:

"In a 4-2 vote on Aug. 2, Township Council members rezoned the 70-acre parcel of land off Route 130 from R1, which provides for the construction of single-family homes, to PAC (political action committee), which provides for the development of a housing community for active adults over